From the outside looking in, everything was perfect…
Ellen looked beautiful, strong & exuded confidence. Growing up and living in Colorado Springs, she conquered daily obstacles with a smile on her face. Nothing could stop this woman from achieving her dreams and fulfilling her vast potential. So, why was this potential falling short? The reasons resonate deep within…
Dealing with verbal and emotional abuse, Ellen spiraled. On the inside she was anxious, depressed, broken and felt completely lost.
She pushed herself at the gym to validate the number of calories she ingested through rampant alcohol use. Vodka was chugged, from inconspicuous water bottles or travel size containers hidden throughout her home or car, before heading out to any sort of social function.
People had no clue that along with the 3 to 4 glasses of wine she visibly drank in front of them she had in fact began drinking many hours earlier.
Empty bottles lay forgotten and hidden in closets and un-used cupboards.
She knew every liquor store within a 15-mile radius and which ones had what she needed for whatever the day would bring her; it mattered not how dark, dangerous, or sketchy the areas where the liquor stores were. Every clerk knew her poison of choice and always recognized her.
Before Wednesday French group? Three shooters.
Before Thursday band? A pint and four mini bottles of wine to ‘share’.
The weekends? A full handle of secret sauce from a non-descript liquor store as well as a stop by the local store which held wine tastings every Friday and where she was known to show off pictures of her dogs.
She had a switch. A big switch that turned on her bright, bubbling personality for public viewing. A switch that turned off at home thrusting her into the throes of raw, unadulterated anxiety and depression. The ‘true’ her in her mind.
She loathed what she saw in the mirror after every trip to the closet bar. This was escalated by the verbal and emotional abuse.
Those empty, guilt-stricken eyes staring back at her, deeply into her soul. Defeat. Every day she woke up emaciated, shaky, and hungover, ultimately asking herself,
“When are you going to do something about this? Is this your life? Can you even stop?”
Years went by with the same questions staying unanswered.
One year, one day, one minute it all came to a head and she reached utter desperation and took the plunge. She stopped drinking and putting poison in her body. She knew who she needed to be again – Ellen.
From that day forward, life opened up in ways she never thought possible.
All of a sudden, Ellen started doing everything she loves, only now, without the mask of booze, the haze or the disgust and hatred she had been putting herself through. The hiding is done, and she is well on her way to freeing herself from her demons.
Ellen started doing things for the first time without drinking. She saw the death of her two fur babies, Dixie and Taylor, and was able to endure the loses sans drinking.
She was able to physically and mentally endure months of agonizing fertility treatments and finally beat infertility using IVF to bring two miracle twins into this world. Completely sober.
After some learning experiences- today, Ellen is on her way to achieving past, present, and new dreams all because she confronted her demons.
You cannot ever change the past, but you can absolutely learn from it, which Ellen does daily while now enjoying life to its fullest potential.
Ellen is enjoying the adventures of raising twins, working on being a wellness and recovery advocate via her blog and social media and pitching articles for various, related websites to further her writing career and audience.
Her most recent endeavor is that she published he long anticipated memoir, Split Ends. After its debut, it immediately became a #1 Bestseller on Amazon as well as the #1 Hot New Release.
She is also working on becoming a Certified Holistic Coach to empower clients to thrive in all aspects of their life, recognizing that true success is a harmonious blend of well-being, purpose, and achievement.
Life may present demons, but from those demons come dreams.
My Mission
Ellen is all too familiar with the struggles of addiction, which are oftentimes unbearable. Add on the tormenting pains of infertility, and you have the perfect storm. After grappling and recovering from both, Ellen understands the gut wrenching agony involved and never wants anyone to go through that alone.
Her mission is to represent people who are dealing with the struggles and the shame that comes from feelings of inadequacy leading to destructive behaviors. She wants to inspire them with radical honesty to define who they want to be.
Ellen is here to lend an ear and help in any way she can. Through her writing, she shares personal stories of intense introspection paired with harrowing tales of her own trials and tribulations with addiction and infertility.
Every day brings new demons, but it is what we do with those demons that lead to self love.
Your worst mistakes can at times lead to the discovery of your best self. Through her own experiences, Ellen can show you that you can achieve your full potential through the mistakes you have made and the things you have overcome. Coming clean with and about your demons and facing them head on can lead you down the path to self enlightenment.