The Mind of a Fellen
Have you ever sat down and just let everything come out? Without stopping or thinking? The mass amount of information in your brain just flows out onto the page. There isn’t even enough time for your fingers to type everything that your head is saying. Usually when I go on walks, that's when I have the best ideas. And that is when I want to write everything. Which of course doesn't work out well because I can’t write while I walk. I try to convince myself that I will remember. I try to do the talk to text thing, but that never gets the words right. When I am looking through what I thought I said, none of it even makes any sense. I’ve started making voice memos, which I then have to listen to and type out as it goes. That works but is still quite the process.
For this blog, I am just going to write. The way I write is going to be exactly what is going through my brain. It will be like a trailer for the movie of my life. A small preview of what really goes on in that dome. When I was walking Diego a few nights ago, it was dark and cold. Fort Carson had some sort of canon drill going so it sounded like World War II. I immediately thought of Matt Damon and Tom Hanks in the movie that is super sad about WWII. Tom Hanks makes me think of Colin Hanks who makes me think of Dexter. Serial killers are really sick people. I like Dexter tho. How does that work out?
During that walk, that chick from the Ring movie was coming after me. She is so creepy. I think the shadows are likely homeless people who are going to molest me. I was thinking of every scary movie I have ever seen and getting terrified. Should I run? It was too dark and icy. What the hell. Will Diego save me from a rapist? He seemed pretty intent on the smells over there. Am I safe walking at night? Why were the cannons going off like WWII? What is going on in Fort Carson that is causing this to happen? Were there people out in the middle nowhere practicing drills of what it is like to have an attack? What if we really do get attacked? What if Norad gets attacked? Would we know? Would we have time to try to leave? Or would we all just poof, die at the same time?
Game of Thrones is gone and I miss it. I wish I was friends with all of those actors and actresses. I follow them on social media so at least I keep up with what is going on in their lives. Speaking of social media, do I have enough followers? Why do publishers care so much about followers? It makes me insane thinking about getting enough followers because I have empty followers who don’t engage and all I want is people to engage but then people on other sites I see bitch about all the negative people they have and I don't want that. It is a vicious beast. I have 8,600 followers, but tomorrow it may be 8,500 and the next day it may keep going down and down. Why do the numbers go down? How do I go viral? What do I need to do to get published? How do I get an agent? Why can’t this all just be given to me? Why is it so hard!
Who was bored during the Super Bowl? I haven’t written a blog since then- that is very sad! I am sorry that I missed a couple weeks. The only decent thing about the Super Blow was The Weeknd! Although parts of that were still hard to watch. The commercials have been absolutely crap for years! But it was interesting to see an ad for Budweiser ZERO! At first, I thought it was zero calories, but then realized it was zero alcohol. I was shocked. For that to be advertised during a function that is mainly about getting wasted, where 17 million people call in sick on Monday, is a pretty big deal. Maybe more people are noticing that they consume too much and sober “curiosity” is in fact growing. Who knows!?
In a total change of topics, I started a step challenge at work. This is something where you try to get 7,000 steps a day and there are incentives and prizes. It’s been so cold, and I haven’t been able to go on my usual walks with the babies and Diego. A few nights ago, after the babies went to bed, I went out back with Diego and ran around with his squeaky football for 20 minutes. That only got me to 5,000 steps. So I proceeded to walk up and down the stairs over and over and over watching reels on instagram for about 30 minutes like an insane person just wandering up and down and up and down. Diego didn’t even want anything to do with me. He was excited at first but then became very confused. He looked at me, and if he could talk, he definitely would have said “Mom what the hell?” Anyway, he didn’t want to keep watching me act like a crazy lady so he went upstairs. I did get over 9,000 steps so I was very pleased.
Well that was kind of scary. Just to write everything that came to mind...no real topic or structure. My fingers couldn’t quite keep up, and my train of thought went from one thing to another. This would probably be an easier assignment with a Ghost Writer or talk to text that actually works well! Although it was random and made no sense...well...welcome to my mind. Ha! I also ran out of Nutella during this process. Very very sad.
For me, I am trying to write more and get published in bigger publications. I am also doing more podcasts this season. Please keep following me on social media or checking in on my website for more info!
