Fucking Shirley Temples
I was a Millennial for Halloween once. I wrapped bubble wrap around me, wore all black, and wore signs stating things like “I am Offended.” I hate that I am considered a millennial. It’s sad, but true. I don’t believe that I fit into the stereotype. Millennials don’t want to get married, we can’t afford to settle down, we eat avocado toast daily, we only do online dating, we can’t survive without our phones, we wear hipster clothes, we only care about followers and likes, we live with our parents until we are 30, we expect to be winning everything because of those dang participation trophies, and in general we are just lazy as fuck. I made all of that up off the top of my head, but check out this website that says the same. Seems I know my genre!
I, for the first time, had a Millennial moment this past week where I was completely offended. I was at Sushi with one of my besties, and, as always, I asked for their non-alcoholic menu. Young, stupid, 20 year old can’t find one (don’t even get me started on Gen Z)! Shocking. I ask what NA drinks they offer. She stutters. She has no clue what I am talking about. “Like people don’t drink??” was just going on through her head. I said, please find out what NA beers or wines you have available. Crickets. Looked at me like I was an alien.
“Do you want, like, a Shirley Temple?”
Are you fucking serious? I am now in offensive, Millennial mode. Are you FUCKING serious? No, mademoiselle, I would not like a drink that 8 year olds drink for celebrations, I do not want a drink that I ordered when I was out as an 8 year old at a fancy dinner with my parents, I do not want a drink that is made for children. I want an NA beverage please.
I kept my cool. I said, “No, I am not an 8 year old girl. I don’t want a Shirley Temple. Thank you though.” Really, I was passive aggressive, but she deserved it. If you are going to be working in the entertainment industry, you should have something better to offer than a fucking Shirley Temple.
My friend looked at me and said, ”Wow, even I am insulted.” Right?! Why is it that there is no education, communication, or training on what to do when someone wants a NA beverage. NA means non-alcoholic. It does not mean juice, or something like juice. Or diet soda. Or soda water.
Don’t worry, my tantrum isn’t done. I have been to Vail, to SoCo, to Washington D.C., to Santa Fe, to Denver, to British Columbia, to the Caribbean, to Minnesota, to all the different restaurants in Colorado Springs throughout my sobriety. I have rarely found an NA beverage. No one knows what the hell to do with someone who doesn't drink. I’ve had to go to liquor stores to buy my own NA beverage in order to have it for a night “out.” I just want to fit in...I just want to have something that can make me feel normal, and I just want to stay sober. But God forbid I am able to do it easily.
And that pisses me off. Why should I be the one risking my sobriety by going into liquor stores? Why should I be the one to sacrifice everything while everyone else gets their poison of choice? Why should I be labeled a freak or an outsider? Why am I the one who has to do all of these things? (totally playing the victim here). Why do I have to settle for a Shirley Temple?
Society makes it this way. According to this article, there was a 7.5 billion dollar increase in liquor store sales between the first three quarters of 2019 and those of 2020. What the hell, America? I understand being isolated is hard, but shouldn't we take that time to be present with our family? Nope, we don’t like feelings like that. We do our best to avoid everything. We want to numb out. It is ingrained in us...because society wants it that way.
As I have said numerous times before, society glamorizes drinking. Kids start drinking early because if they don’t, they no longer fit it. There is peer pressure and then there is society shoving it down everyone’s throat. All I am trying to do is end the stigma of being sober. Normalize not drinking. But it doesn’t work that way. My job is Sisyphean (do you like that?!) I am the one being punished, pushing the boulder up the hill for eternity, over and over, trying to get out of the Underworld.
But why should I be punished? What did I do wrong? I have a disease…I did not choose to be this way. I am wired differently. I have an allergy to drugs or alcohol. Once they are in my body, I react differently than “normal” people. I can’t have just one. I am just here trying to better myself, yet I feel like such an outsider…someone who is impossibly trying, but is stuck pushing the boulder up the hill for the rest of my life.
And I understand that is what sobriety is. I will always be pushing this boulder. But I am OK with that if it means staying sober. We are not “normal” in the eyes of others. We are sick. We are the issue. If only we could try to have just one. Well guess what- we can’t. It is actually impossible once it is in our body to not continue. We have different brain waves. We were born this way, and we can’t help it.
Yet here we are. What do we do? Well, I am just going to keep fighting the fight. I am not going to give up, I am going to get published, I am going to make a difference. I am going to help end the stigma. But I am not going to tolerate someone telling me to have a fucking Shirley Temple.
