Phone Walks

I’ve been taking long walks at night recently after putting the babies to bed.  It’s the only time I have to myself since I am the worst morning person ever.  I don’t know why I bother, but every few months, I set my alarm for an hour earlier than normal thinking I will get up and either go on a jog, go on the Peloton, or just take a walk.  Every single time, I turn off the alarm, and go back to sleep until my regular alarm goes off an hour later.  I must think I can force myself into being a morning person… I don’t know.  It never works, and you’d think by now I would figure it out and stop trying.  But I always have hope.  

My walks have become my me time.  I bring my ear buds and either listen to podcasts or make phone calls.  I always call my slaymate bestie first, but she is two hours ahead and usually in bed. If she doesn’t answer, I call my sponsor, or my old sponsor, or my coworker friend whom I haven’t spoken to in forever, or other friends that don’t text and prefer calls. I’ve only eaten shit three times this week!  Not bad for walking on ice in the dark every night.

I generally hate talking on the phone.  When I was growing up, I always had to talk on the phone in my bedroom.  I never wanted people to hear me, and I always paced as I talked.  It’s awkward for me to talk while I am sitting down.  I suppose that’s why I enjoy making calls so much on my walks.  But I also do it on stressful phone calls.  I’ll never forget how many rooms I paced into when I was on the phone with 911 when Noah stopped breathing.  I paced into the dining room, piano room, kitchen, living room to check on Noah, and back into the dining room, piano room, kitchen.  I circled like a piranha.  I can’t sit when talking on the phone whether it is good news or a 911 call.

We’ve gotten so used to texting or snapping or instagramming or facebooking or tweeting or youtubing or marco poloing, or skyping, or whatsapping, or zooming.  It’s much more rare to do face to face conversations anymore, or actually call people.  I have to call people for work every day, but I still always have a moment of panic and dread like “oh God I have to actually call this person.  Why can’t I do this interview by email??”  It’s still not easy for me to make phone calls after years of doing it.  I miss the days where my dad was my secretary; before cell phones. 

“Ellen the phone’s for you.”

“Who is it?”

“Some guy.  I think he said Ryan?”

“Ugh no not today.  Tell him I’m in the shower…”

Noah and Bella will never have the luxury of having me answer the phone for them.  They won’t know what landlines are.  I’m now that older person babbling about old technology that no longer exists! I was out the other week and completely spaced bringing my cell phone (which is a normal occurrence these days.  At least I didn’t wash it in the laundry again ugh).  I was worried Grandma Sheree would need me.  I was in Walgreens and asked if they had a phone or knew where a pay phone was.  The lady looked at me like I was a lunatic.  

“Our phones don’t call out….and I don’t even know who has pay phones anymore!”  

“I know!”  I replied.  “Are there really even pay phones around?”  

“Who knows!  Do you need a ride somewhere?”  

“No, I forgot my cell phone and am worried the Grandma watching my babies may need me.”

“That seems like it's serious.  That could be an emergency.  Here honey, use my cell phone.”

So I used the nice lady's cell phone at Walgreens.  But of course I couldn’t call Grandma Sheree because I don’t have her number memorized!  I only have childhood numbers memorized and Ian’s.  What do people do when they go to jail these days and don’t know anyone’s number!?  I called Ian and left him a message to text Grandma Sheree to let her know I was sans phone and hopefully nothing would go wrong in the next hour.  Of course, nothing did go wrong, and everything was fine, and the babies were alive when I got to Grandma Sheree’s and the whole thing was for nothing.  But that is where my mind goes.  Without technology, the world is over and everyone is going to die.

Calling people is now “old technology.”  There’s faster ways to get people’s attention, and phone calls may be an endangered species.  Sometimes it’s nice to leave the technological stuff behind and go back to the good old days where everything was easier.  When we didn’t all have screens in our faces 24/7.  When we had to look up people’s phone numbers and call them from the landline.  Aren’t we all addicted to something in some way?  We can be addicted to phones and Netflix and people.  Not only drugs and alcohol.  Is it scary that the entire world is addicted to technology?  

Russell Brand is a role model to me because he is in recovery, but also because he has so many profound things to say.  Yes- Russell Brand.  At first, I was like, he’s just a dopey comedian who is addicted to sex! But that was just what the tabloids told me.  Now, I follow him as a person, not as a celebrity, and I watch his videos and listen to his podcasts.  I even booked a retreat that he was sponsoring.  I was so excited to go, but it got cancelled due to COVID. In one of his videos, he talks about how he is addicted to his telephone and how he is working a set of steps around his addiction to technology.  What an interesting spin on things.  I think all of us could take a deeper look at ourselves and find out what we are addicted to and try to work on it.  It would make the world such a better place, don’t you think?  Next time you think about it, leave your phone upstairs or run an errand without it.  See how it makes you feel, and try to be at peace without it. What are you addicted to? Try to go without it for a day and see what happens.