JOMO
There are acronyms for everything these days. A popular one is FOMO- Fear Of Missing Out. I have a portion of my book titled FOMO because it is about all the years where I used to do every single thing that everyone demanded of me because I was absolutely terrified that I would miss something. I used to always worry that I was missing out on things. Especially after obeying a controlling boyfriend for years. I missed out on my college life, and I tried my hardest to make up for it. Since then, I’ve had the FOMO.
Now, I try to embrace JOMO! Joy Of Missing Out. I can say no to things! Does anyone ever feel like there is just too much that we are obligated to do? Granted, COVID has taken most of that away and we are all dying to do things. But without COVID. How often are we saying yes when we really want to say no? I’m learning that NO in itself is a form of self-care.
I’ve always been a people pleaser. I hate disappointing people, and I never want to upset someone. I want everyone to be happy all the time. This causes anxiety, guilt, and shame because it is, in fact, impossible to keep everyone happy at any given moment. I certainly wouldn’t be where I am today if I had just said NO all those years ago. Instead of always being a yes person, now I try to say yes to the things that will bring me joy and value. If I am invited to a place where everyone is going to be shitfaced, I likely will say no. That no longer brings me any joy. I feel that we are programmed to say yes to everything. There is serious FOMO when instead, we should experience JOMO. I have the clarity to know what I want to say yes to now.
This week was another milestone in my journey. FOUR years since I stopped drinking. INSANE. I still can’t believe it. I still miss it...almost every day. Part of me wanted to treat myself to a bottle of wine for making it this far. DUH. But I am learning the tools I need to live without it and to now have JOMO instead of FOMO. I don’t have to constantly obsess over the next drink or the next party. If I say no to something, it is OK. I don’t have to feel guilty for not showing up. I used to be so concerned if I wasn’t drunk by a certain time or if I didn’t do things every Friday and Saturday. What did it mean if I stayed home those nights- I must be such a loser. Now I can just breathe and know that I am doing what I want and am exactly where I need to be.
Sometimes I wonder why this is my thing. Why do I have to be allergic to alcohol? Why can’t I be allergic to beets or Brussel sprouts? Why is it the one thing that I loved more than anything that I can’t have? It doesn’t seem fair. But without this being my thing, would I know as much about myself as I do now? Would I have the tools and emotions and feelings about life that I do now? Everything would be completely different. So, I have to embrace that this is my thing. And make it a joyful thing instead of a fearful thing. If we turn the things we fear the most into things that give us the most joy, maybe that is the life we are all wanting to live.
