To My Friends Who Still Drink

It’s Ok. You Can Still Talk to Me

Yes, it’s still me.  No, this isn’t my usual vodka soda.  But it’s me. 

I’ve been sober for almost four years, but for you, it is still uncomfortable.  You see me walk in and make it a point to let everyone know there is a cooler filled with sodas just for me.  Or you sneakily walk up to my husband and whisper something and then glance at me.  Like oh my God, she isn’t drinking alcohol, is it ok that she is here?!  Sometimes you text me before a get together.  “Are you sure you want to come?  People will be drinking!”  No shit- drinking is everywhere. 

I’ve never felt more uncomfortable or left out until I quit drinking.  Just because I quit drinking doesn’t mean I’m not me anymore.  It’s OK to treat me the same way you used to.  No, I may not be as talkative all the time and no, I probably won’t take my clothes off randomly to go swimming in the middle of the night.  But I am still here.  Why are you treating me like an outcast?  Why don’t you invite me to parties anymore?  What do I need to do to convince you it is still me? 

No one asks, “Why aren’t you smoking a cigarette?” or “Why aren’t you eating meat?”  Why is it so important whether I am drinking or not?  Society has glamorized drinking into something that is so normal; it is everywhere.  In order to meet up with friends, I have to go out for drinks.  People don’t often say “hey want to meet at the park for a walk?”  I usually hear “let’s meet for drinks.” 

Alcoholism is a disease.  It is like an allergy.  People don’t go around telling cancer patients to “just get over it.  Just stop having cancer.”  I want you, my normie drinking friends, to know that I am still me.  It doesn’t matter what I have in my glass.  I am still fun, and I am still the person you like to hang out with.  Will you please treat me like it?  I’m not judging you for drinking, and I still love you.  Please remember that I am still me.

Love, Ellen

I still have friends who drink, but I also now have sober friends.  My husband is a normie, and it is hard to balance the two completely different worlds. If you are struggling fitting in with old friends, here are some things I have done to help. 

1. Bring your own drinks/mocktails. 

People freak out when you ask for something that is non-alcoholic, and they don’t have it.  I always come prepared and I try to make my drink just as fun as theirs, so no one asks me questions.

2. Drive your own car or have a backup plan in case you want to leave early. 

I do get bored and frustrated when my drinking friends start to get drunk.  I don’t like being around it as much anymore.  If you go with a group of friends or with a partner, be sure you have a way to leave before everyone else.

3. Some people just cannot fathom the idea of not drinking. It’s cool; I used to be that person. 

If someone is pushy, and continue to ask why you aren’t drinking, be prepared with what you want to say.  If you don’t want to go into it, simply say “I have an early morning.”  Something simple.  No details are needed. If you don’t mind going into your entire recovery story, that is OK too.  Sometimes, to get people off my back, I say, “Well when I drink, it generally turns into an entire bottle of vodka that leads me to think it’s a good idea to try to find drugs and that makes me think it is OK to try to sleep with your husband.”  Generally, people shut up after a response like that.

4. Don’t push sobriety on anyone who is drinking. 

They don’t want to hear it, and they definitely are not comfortable being reminded of how much they are drinking. 

5. Be yourself. 

If your friends don’t love you for who you are sober, it may be time to find a new friend group.

No matter what the case is, just remember that you are still you.  Just because you don’t drink does not change you or make you a bad person.  If anyone thinks differently, then they don’t deserve to be your friend.